Monday, February 11, 2013

On Women, Violence and the Combination of the Two

Delhi has been in the news lately.

Unfortunately, for the most part, the news is pretty terrible. In mid-December, a woman saw a movie at the mall in Saket, the theater about 15 minutes walking distance from my house. She got out of the movie around 9PM, and took an auto with her male friend to a bus stop nearby. When she got on the bus, the guy was beaten with iron bars and she was raped so brutally that she died a week or two later. What was most scary about this crime to me was not that it took place so close to where I live or the unspeakable violence that transpired. What scared me the most was that nothing she did that night was something I would not do in my most rational state. She was in a nice area, not late at night, with a male friend, taking (privately operated) public transportation. I think the reality of what happened is that it was so violent, so arbitrary, so not instigated, that it could have happened in any major city, really. But the reaction here in India was, from my perspective, uniquely Indian.

People took to the streets after the attack to demand justice for the woman who was attacked. According to the New York Times blog India Ink: Notes on the World's Largest Democracy, "A woman who was raped on a bus by several men on Sunday found an unlikely supporter: everyone." Yes, the crowds outside of the presidential palace and India Gate in December were swollen with protesters holding signs that said "Hoping 2013 brings safety to Indian women," and "Save women, save India." But the most overwhelming message that I observed in the aftermath of the rape was the demand for the death penalty for the perpetrators. To think demanding death as an immediate response to such a violent occurrence would be the ultimate form of justice is sick to me. The pervasive male chauvinist culture in India, disempowering women,  stripping them of agency and choices in their own lives, is profoundly disturbing in and of itself. So to hear about such violence against a woman being responded to more fiercely with violence than with discussion and resolve to change is even more unsettling. To make matters worse, much of the peaceful protests became riots when police charged the crowd with lathis, long sticks that have come to characterize the Indian police uniform. For weeks after the incident, I read about various protests throughout the country, such as the march in Bangalore in which men donned skirts to "show solidarity" with women. I'm sorry if I'm being callous, but is that really what this situation calls for? Is that really the most effective way to voice your support for initiatives battling violence against women or is it just a way to bring attention to yourself? The media here has been so busy pointing fingers, demonizing the assailants, quoting celebrities and plebes alike who lament the sorry state of women's safety, demanding punishments from castration to death, while doing little to raise meaningful awareness about what actually contributes to this violence. 

First of all, it is my understanding that not only is rape not uncommon in India, but that marital rape is largely unrecognized, as women are often understood as "belonging" to their husbands. Modern families still pay dowry, a sum of money given to the groom's family upon marriage which is decided during a formal negotiation between families when the marriage is being arranged. The level of victim blaming that happens is something I might not have believed if I did not witness it with my own eyes--everything from "she should have known better," and "she was asking for it,"to "those boys wouldn't do that," "it's not what you think," and "it wouldn't happen to a decent woman."Not to mention the insane apathy and even antipathy displayed towards women by police who are called in the wake of sexual crimes. In many cases, police have physically or sexually abused the woman again when she seeks their help. To say that sexual violence is not taken seriously by police is a huge understatement. I read an account written on a blog by a woman who described her experience in which a man tried to assault her and then followed her. She went to the police station because she was afraid for her life. After hearing her story, a policeman came out to talk to the assailant. Moments later she saw that they were having a laugh together and appeared to be chatting casually. The cop came back to her and said  that she should stop making a big deal out of something that wasn't.

A few times, as I walked from my school to the metro, students from schools other than my own but along the same street have catcalled me. These are boys aged 10-17 or so, who very well could be my students and just happen not to be. Each time this has happened, I have turned on them, demanding an apology, telling them I am a teacher and would they speak to their teachers that way and not ever to speak to any woman like that ever again. Why, you may ask, did I find it necessary to exact retribution from these kids, when they are just kids saying the same thing I get from many others on a daily basis? These boys take in the values they see exemplified all around them. They are merely imitating how they see other men, role models even, treating women. To interrupt the mindset that they can say what they want to any woman they want with impunity is essential to combating the objectification of women in this city and country. In fact, I often stand up for myself in this way with grown men also. Yet this practice of vigilance and responding to ignorance and offensive behavior is exhausting, and often leaves me and my roommates feeling drained. It's sad and annoying to not be able to smile at people for fear that they will get the wrong message and act on it. It hurts to be so guarded all the time, to be constantly aware and always to doubt the kindness of strangers, because even when I have thought people were being genuine, I have often been wrong.

The women I work with are machines. They rise at five in the morning to make breakfast and lunch, from scratch for themselves, their kids, husbands, and in-laws, often including their husband's siblings. They work all day, many, if not most, commuting over an hour to get to school in Central Delhi. They work all day, at an institution in which the leadership is composed almost entirely of men (although this does seem to be an anomaly at Navyug Schools--mine is the only one that I know of with a male principal). Then they go home, where they cook dinner from scratch for their entire extended families before presumably falling into bed like rocks. These are women who all have Master's degrees in education, working in reputable schools with years of experience behind them. This is the middle class of India--or really of Delhi, I should say--and their daily routines reflect those of housewives in the 1950s, but with an obligation to have a career as well. Please do not read this and think "Aw, those poor women, they are so oppressed." That is not at all my intention in writing this. But living in India and working with these strong and devoted women gives new meaning to the saying, "Women hold up half the sky."

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately on the future of women here, their current and possible roles within the home and workplace, and I see an intimate connection between these roles and the level of violence that continues to be perpetrated in Delhi. Women are not treated as precious lives. They are often approached by men with a sense of entitlement, as if they only exist to serve the needs of others. When will it be time for women in India?

The following are excerpts from some of the articles I've gotten the most out of in the wake of the rape in Delhi:

The popular catchphrase for our world is “new” India. And for decades, the media has colluded to convince us that this is the India that more real, the India that matters, where it’s all happening, and where we’re headed. The other India is but a relic of
the past, separated by time and distance. “Medieval” is our favourite descriptor of choice each time we speak of this India and its citizens, who safely exist elsewhere: in remote villages ruled by khap panchayats, in “bad areas” of our sprawling city, in states like Haryana and Punjab where swaggering, macho men rule the roost.
…
And we acknowledge the fragility of this bubble — albeit unwittingly — when we blame women for getting raped: for being out after dark, wearing skirts or tight jeans, drinking in a bar, wandering into the wrong part of town. For all our claims of progress, what we’re really saying is that the other India — the medieval one — is everywhere, and can strike at any moment. That the bubble is a mirage and so is the comforting hypothesis of  ”two Indias”. The very phrase is misleading, suggesting a separation, a reassuring distance and insulation of one from the other.
…
And that brings me to the only bit of good news: It ain’t never gonna happen. Indian women have come a long way, baby, and they have no intention of retracing their steps. Be it call centre workers, sales clerks, mid-level managers, or high-ranking executives, they know that their new-found freedom can be hazardous to their life. We women have merely decided that we’re not going to let that little fact hold us back. And there’s nothing a Mamata or Chautala can do about that.


In a society that has traditionally defined a person through her relationships rather than her individuality, a woman is certainly a person when she is a mother, a daughter, a sister or a wife. Any woman who does not fit into these mental categories is a female, a 'stree', who, in the notorious public pronouncement of a former president of India, Zail Singh, 'bhog ki cheez hai' (is an object of enjoyment). Stripped of relational categories and just as an individual, a woman is not a person but an object, a body for male enjoyment.
...
Not perceived as persons, these women are automatically, without the intervention of thought or reflection, consigned to the ambivalent, despised category of the stree who is potentially a bhog ki cheez. The mental constructions i am speaking of are deep-seated, often less than conscious, and are inculcated in early childhood by the family that is tasked with conveying the ideology of gender and gender relations. As a famous child psychologist once remarked, "An infant is born without a history but soon, the family will give it theirs."
…
The western concept of a woman being a person in her own right, an individual, with unalienable individual rights, is part of a modernity that is making inroads into India — and clashing with traditional ideas of when a woman may be deemed a person. But what is being more easily embraced, since it does not clash with the traditional markings of the male imagination, is a pernicious western idea stealthily accompanying the notion of a woman's individuality. This is of the individual body being pre-eminently an arena of enjoyment.


After the rape, Mohan Rao Bhagwat, the head of the Hindu nationalist group Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, said: “Such crimes hardly take place in ‘Bharat,’ but occur frequently in ‘India.’ ” Bharat, the Hindi word for India, is, in this view, a rustic idyll where virtuous women keep their bodies covered, and thereby are safe and protected.
…
Of course, Mr. Bhagwat was swiftly ridiculed. Using the hashtag #Bharat, many posted tongue-in-cheek online comments. One wrote on Facebook: “Don’t live in India. Migrate to Bharat instead.” They noted the persistence of child marriages, domestic violence and sexual assault in what urban Indians still call “the hinterlands.” 
…
Rural women have taken the lead in contemporary battles too. Consider the Pink Gang, or Gulabi Gang, based in Bundelkhand, a remote area of central India that is often written off as “lawless” and “bandit plagued.” Founded by Sampat Devi Pal, who was married off around the age of 13, had her first child at 15 and is essentially illiterate, the Pink Gang — an all-women’s vigilante organization estimated to have around 20,000 members, named after their pink saris and batons — gained fame for beating up men who had abused their wives. The gang has fought corrupt politicians and crooked police officers as well. It also runs vocational centers that empower women.
…
If rape happens in “Bharat” as well as “India,” then the solution will come only from the mobilization of the women of both “nations.” 


The Verma Committee Report most fundamentally alters the public discourse on crimes against women by placing these crimes within the framework of the Indian Constitution and treating these offences as nothing less than an egregious violation of the right to live with dignity of all women. What is particularly moving and inspiring about the Report is that it does so by placing the autonomy and indeed the sexual autonomy of women at the very centre of its discourse.

It also offers us a rethinking of what is meant by the offence of rape. In the Committee’s thinking rape is a form of sexual assault like any other crime against the human body in the IPC. According to the Committee it is  ‘the duty of the state as well as civil society to deconstruct the paradigm of shame-honour in connection with a rape victim.’
…
According to the Committee, it is very important that Indian society and the state move away from thinking of rape as a crime against honour and instead look at it as a serious violation of bodily integrity. In language which is seen perhaps for the first time in an official report, the Committee quotes a rape survivor. ‘Rape is horrible. But it is not horrible for all the reasons that have been drilled into the heads of Indian women………I reject the notion that my virtue is located in my vagina, just as I reject the notion that men’s  brains are in their genitals’.

The discussion on rape is located in an understanding of women as full and equal citizens  and it is intrinsic to the argument of the Report that it is only by guaranteeing women full and equal rights that sexual violence can even be tackled.


Rape is seen as a crime of dishonour in most traditions because what is stolen, robbed or vandalised is not a woman’s dignity or bodily integrity, but the honour of the man who purportedly owns her sex. Indian law still cannot get its head around the concept of marital rape. How can a husband rape his wife? How can he rob himself of his own property? A woman who asserts her sexuality, or is seen to be asserting her sexuality, independently, outside of marriage, is essentially seen as fair game in a patriarchal culture, because, being no man’s property (and refusing to be property), she can be made to become any man’s property.
…
Until recently, the canon of Bollywood faithfully followed the rules of rape. The core of a film’s narrative lay in a tightly scripted romance that was fated to end in marriage: since only a married woman can be a sexed woman, by virtue of being a man’s sexual property, only a married woman can have sex. For decades, this tautology framed the entire sexual politics of Bollywood, more or less completely (with very few exceptions). Since marriage was the conclusion and not the substance of a film’s narrative, representation of the sexual act between the male and female protagonists was out of the question. It had to occur happily ever after the story ended. This did not mean an absence of erotic titillation. In fact, the less chance there was of actual sex, the more there could be of extended titillation—which is basically what the classic Bollywood song and dance number is all about. Alternatively, when sex had to be shown, it could only be as rape. Since no virtuous woman would have sex outside of (or before) marriage, if the heroine, or any positive female character in a film, had to be seen having sex, it could only be shown as occurring against her volition. That is why the cinema of the 1970s and 1980s is so dependent on the token rape scene. A film had to have sex, because that is what people wanted to see, but it could only have sex as rape, because the heroine, being as yet unmarried, could not have any other kind of sex.
…
Jugni is the woman who Honey Singh can’t yo-yo. Jugni is the woman who will slap Asaram Bapu and laugh at Mohan Bhagwat. Jugni is the woman who will demand the resignation of the police commissioner and tweet from her detention inside a police station. Jugni is the woman who can take tear gas and climb a lamp post and jump a barricade. Jugni is the woman who can dent Abhijit Mukherjee and paint the town red. Jugni doesn’t need Mamata or Sushma or Sonia or Sheila to weep for her and she doesn’t weep for them. Jugni is angry and Jugni is alive.

The past few weeks I have seen hundreds of young women in Delhi, Abhisarikas, wandering in the darkness, walking in the daytime, speaking, asking questions, singing, dancing, grieving, thinking. They are walking with their friends and comrades, with their lovers and sisters, reclaiming the city, inch by inch, for that nameless woman in whose memory they keep vigil and who is now the source of their radiance. Each one of them is a Jugni, like she was, and like a conflagration of fireflies they are taking back the night.





Friday, January 25, 2013

Chutti

It had been up in the air for a while as to whether our winter break would begin on December 25th, as we had been told way back at the June orientation in Austin, or on the 31st, as schedule changes aren't technically changes when there never was a schedule in the first place. Tired of waiting for a decision, Hannah and I booked a flight to Goa for Christmas Day and away we went. 

We spent the first night in Anjuna, a touristy, fairly gross beach town, before discovering that the nicer beaches were north of where we were. Our cab pulled up the next morning to Mandrem Beach, where we fell in love with the quiet, clean, white sand and parked ourselves for a week. 
The view that made us stay.
Our home for the week
Beachside restaurant
We literally did nothing all week but lie on the beach on wooden loungers, taking the occasional dip, reading and getting up every once in a while for food. On the 30th, our ETA friend Sarah, who was placed in Madurai, joined us, and we spent New Year's Eve with some people that we met. We stayed up all night, dancing, hanging out on the beach, and enjoying the company. I unfortunately lost my phone in the process, an annoying price to pay. At midnight we were getting out of a cab, running to avoid having sparks rain down on us from the fireworks being set off all around us. It was the perfect way to bring in the new year, a great follow up to last year, when I went to Times Square with some friends visiting from Sweden.

Yours truly














We spent the last few days taking walks, exploring the beaches beside Mandrem, and feeling grateful for our good fortune to have been there. 

Me and Hannah, happy campers
On January 2nd, Hannah departed to Kolkata to visit her boyfriend and I went to Mapusa, the nearest "city," to get a bus to Mumbai, where I was catching my flight to Israel. Mapusa is so far the yuckiest place I've been in India. Granted, I was only at the bus station, and any bus station is bound to be aesthetically disappointing, but waiting there for two hours by myself was a fairly unpleasant experience. I did meet a nice Canadian guy, though, which made the experience a little better. After an overnight bus to Mumbai, I paid 100 rupees to leave my stuff at the Salvation Army hostel, and spent the day wandering the city.

Getting to the airport in the evening was a nightmare. Cab drivers were saying it would take three hours to get there, and were charging crazy amounts. After it took half an hour to go about a kilometer, the driver dropped me off at Victoria Terminal to take a train, where I was promptly told I could not get a train from there to the airport. Exhausted, anxious and not knowing what to do, I started crying in the middle of the train station. No sooner did the tears start to flow did two men who looked to be in their sixties come over to help me out. They were distressed by my distress, taking me to the ticket window where people in line unquestioningly let me cut them when they saw how upset I was, helping the guys to help me. I even had to insist on paying for my own ticket, as they wanted to do everything for me! One of the guys put me on the women's car of the correct train, before hopping on another car and waiting for me at the terminal station and putting me in a cab. I had to go to the domestic terminal to pick up my Israeli passport, which I had forgotten at the check in counter in Delhi and Hannah's boyfriend, Kundun, had facilitated transporting it to Mumbai. Of course, the airline people had no idea what I was talking about, prompting cry #2 and a phone call to Kundun, who set her straight and got them to help me. Passport in hand, I got in a prepaid taxi to go to the international terminal a few kilometers away, only to look at the price list to see a 2,200 rupee tariff (about $40), and force them to stop and let me out. Some fierce bargaining later, I was in an auto and made it to the El Al security counter, where I said my bag had been in a hostel storage room and was told it had to be emptied and checked. At my wit's end, tired beyond beliefand desperate to have this ordeal behind me, I cried a third time, prompting confusion and hesitation from the poor security guy. I assured him that I was fine, to do what he had to do, I was just tired and not feeling great, but I could tell he felt bad for making me cry. And at last, I was on the plane. Sweet relief! 

I slept for a lot of the flight and easily made my way to Haifa from the airport on the train. It was so reassuring to be in a place so familiar and unchanged. I of course spent the first few days totally sick to my stomach, requiring a quick dose of heavy antibiotics before infecting my poor, unsuspecting grandparents, but you can't expect India to stay where it is. I met my cousin Yuval's baby Roee, born in August.
Roee, Yuval and Tami

I went to lunch at the kibbutz, seeing kids who had grown feet since last I saw them, and meeting kids who hadn't been born during my last visit in 2008.
Shlomo, Odelia, Avishag

Avishag, Orya, Daniela and Me

Cousins! The cutest.

The week I spent in Israel was the rainiest and snowiest in ten years. Train tracks were flooded and everyone was receiving picture messages from friends and relatives in the mountains and in Jerusalem, making snow angels and snowmen in feet of white powder. It was a great excuse to stay inside and just spend time with people. I spent the night at the kibbutz, hanging out with Shirit and her boys, Yinon, six, and Roee, twelve. Before I knew Roee, I never liked working with children. It was really my relationship with him, more than anything else, that made me see the fun and reward of spending time with kids. We always had a special connection, and it was such a delight to see him, his voice changing, tall and mature and yet still the sensitive, unique child I remembered. There was a part of me that was sad, as if I had never had the opportunity to say goodbye to who he was as a small child. In any case, seeing him was a total joy. 

I caught up with my mom's friends and the other Yaeli, with whom every time we meet it's like we never parted. I ate lots of cheese and olives and pickles and salad, not to mention the schnitzels and ktzitzot my grandmother had waiting for me in the fridge. And I got to spend lots of quality time with my grandparents, who are positive and curious as ever.
Grandpa Everett and his harmonica
We also ogled at the picture of the newest addition to the family, their first great-grandchild. My cousin Carla gave birth on December 26th to Leo, the cutest baby boy on this side of the Equator.
Carla and Leo
It was great to go to Israel and see everyone; I hope it won't take me four years to get back again!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Have Yourself A Hindustani Christmas


I spent my last few weeks of school before the break educating my students about the US holiday season. This of course began with a lesson about Hanukkah, and became, in effect, an introduction to Judaism. I began by explaining that I am not a Christian, that for the same reason Muslim students celebrate Diwali as a cultural, rather than religious holiday, I don’t celebrate Christmas in the way they’ve seen in movies and on TV. For many of the kids, this fact was a tough pill to swallow, so, being a visual learner myself, I drew a timeline that looked something like this:

I attempted, with limited success, to help them see that Judaism was a religion way before Jesus was born, and therefore Jesus has nothing to do with the Jewish religion. Then I asked why Christians celebrate Christmas, what the holiday commemorates. Answers to this question ranged from “Jesus birthday” to “Santa Claus” to “Ma’am, Christmas!” I did my best to clarify that the fact that Jesus is not part of the Jewish religion means that Jews are not going to celebrate his birthday as a religious occasion. I then told an abridged version of the Hanukkah story in which I had the kids do different hand motions when they heard certain words such as “Maccabees” and “oil,” and explained the miracle that is believed to have occurred. The good thing about teaching Hanukkah in India is that the holiday has many similarities with Diwali, from the lighting of oil lamps in the entrance and windows of the home, to the general celebration of light triumphing over darkness. I brought in my menorah, which the kids of all ages were fascinated by, explained the purpose of the shamash, and led them in a few rounds of the Dreidel Song and I’m A Little Latke. To hear Indian schoolchildren singing about dreidels and latkes was enough to endear me even more to them, despite the frustrating experience of explaining something so outside their frame of reference.

The next two weeks were all about Christmas in the classroom. Last year’s ETA had taught the kids some songs, and they were eager to practice their Christmas repertoires. What I found was that they knew some different words to songs like Jingle Bells, making the classroom sound like a confused cacophony when some sang the words they knew and others read from the lyrics I had written on posters. Teaching songs to my students is generally a fairly hilarious experience, as they generally have an intense amount of enthusiasm and no ability to regulate the volume of their voices. The melody is seldom distinguishable over the majority of students who just scream the lyrics at the top of their lungs, with or without a rhythm. This was especially true when I tried to teach some of the more advanced classes the Jingle Bell Rock. For kids who are such great dancers and singers, it’s hard to understand why they have such a difficult time following the tunes and rhythms I teach, no matter how much repeating or rhythm clapping I do.

For the second week of Christmas celebration, I cut out large Christmas trees out of poster paper, put a star on top and had the kids write Christmas wishes on smaller stars and circles I cut out of paper. Most students wished for “happiness in all world” or “family happy healthy,” while others opted for BMWs and bicycles. My favorite wishes were the ones claiming a desire to “become a cricket,” missing the crucial “er” that would make this statement less Kafka-esque. 


The icing on the Christmas cake, however, came when Sean, my fellow ETA who works down the street from me, showed up during 8th period one day dressed as Santa Claus, complete with a giant sack brimming with candy. Though he had told me he would come at some point dressed as Santa, a suit which he had requested his parents in Seattle to send him for exactly this purpose. Sean planned his entrance for weeks, buying speakers and creating a special Christmas playlist to blast music from his stuffed stomach as he walked around spreading Christmas cheer (read: candy). I was sitting on the playground with my 7B class when a whole group of kids came running up, shouting, “Ma’am! Sean Sir! Santa Claus is here! Sean Sir has lots of toffees!” I walked around to the front of the building to see Sean in full Santa getup, swarmed by my students, his beard in shambles around his face and his sack weighing him down like an anchor. He walked around the playground with me, children hanging from his every limb, chanting, “Santa Claus! Santa Claus! Santa Claus!” and a few of them even having the presence of mind to sing the song we had practiced, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” After circling the building, we went inside moments before the final bell rang, teachers and students alike poking their heads around corners to see what the commotion was about, Sean going out of his way to make sure each teacher got some candy. We walked up to the staff room so I could get my stuff, thinking that the kids would still respect the sacred rule of not entering the staff room, but alas, the allure of Santa was irresistible and the kids flooded in. I was nervous that the other teachers would be annoyed, but the way that Sean made sure to get them candy made them smile and laugh at the absurdity of the scene. We made our way out of the school as the bell rang and kids streamed out of their classrooms to join the swarm of Santa sycophants. 



By the time we exited through the main entrance, the entire school, students and teachers alike were abuzz with excitement, gathering round and reveling in the madness. I couldn’t believe how even the sternest of teachers, the men who smack students left and right and have perma-frowns, the shrill women with their sharp noses and annoyed sighs seemed delighted by the presence of this candy-bearing character. We set them up for a photo before Sean was swept away by the principal’s assistant, a man of medium height with a thick black moustache and hair dyed bright red with henna. He had Sean stand in between himself and the principal so I could take a photo, and then proceeded to hound me every day afterwards for a copy of the picture. I don’t think he could have been more excited if the Prime Minister was visiting. As Sean and I tried to make our escape, the kids continued to swarm around us, to the point that some of the teachers had to physically hold them back. Crossing the street to get an auto, the kids surrounded the vehicle, reminiscent of those images of the Beatles or Elvis leaving concert venues, unable to move forward in their cars because of all the screaming fans. We finally moved forward, the auto wallah laughing as the music continued to chime from Sean’s stomach and the happy cries faded into the background.

But the adventure wasn’t over. Up the elevator we went to the metro station, the people sharing the elevator cracking up. When we emerged, the few children in the station came up to Santa with stars in their eyes, amazed and awed by what they were seeing, even more so when toffees were handed to them by Santa himself. We boarded the metro, and Sean gave out candy to all our fellow passengers, kids and adults alike, who were so thrilled to receive it…I couldn’t believe how happy it made these grown adults to receive pieces of candy from a man in a red fat suit. Sean kept the music playing, and we danced when a particularly upbeat song played, to the extreme amusement of the other metro riders. Everywhere we went, people stopped and stared and pointed, but in such a happy and excited way, I felt like I was in the movie Elf.





I love Christmas lights, but other than that, the holiday has never really appealed to me. The music is nice for a while but I always get so sick of it and there’s something about Christmas that always felt exclusive to me. But Indians love themselves a celebration, no matter the religion or tradition. It felt nice to be able to embrace the holiday through the novelty and joy experienced by those around me.